Friday, July 18, 2014

Fess Up Friday: Dental Hygiene

So, I may or may not have been avoiding the dentist since 2011. The guy just was not high on my priority list, what with the realtors and the house selling and the renting and the building of new homes and the moving twice and the living with friends and becoming homeschoolers and all that fun stuff. 

What's that, I didn't blog about any of that? Huh. Weird. 

Well, you snooze you lose, it's too late to go back, we must go forward! And that is why I am telling you about my trip to the dentist this week. 

So I haven't been in forever and I probably would have continued to ignore him, except I got a toothache. I haven't had a cavity since I was eight years old, but I am chock full of them now and they had to be fixed. Super lame, but what can you do.

Now, I'm not afraid of the dentist. Doesn't bother me a bit to have someone drill a hole in my teeth. He even said to me, "I think we can do this without numbing you up, it's pretty shallow. You ok with that?" And I'm like, "Bring it, dude! I don't get out much, this is exciting." 

But here's the thing about the dentist. He gets a bad rap and you assume it's because he supposedly tortures everyone and makes their mouth hurt. Not so. He gets a bad rap because there is literally no one else on the planet who invades your personal bubble like a dentist. Not even my husband has ever sat for two hours, six inches from my face, and just STARED into my gaping mouth. Who does that?

And it's not just him, either. He has an assistant who presses her head right up next to his, and they both hover above your gaping mouth and just stare at your face and up your nose with total concentration. It's one of the most unnerving things you can go through, I think. 

They look like this:
photo credit: unknown
And you look like this:

And they wait until your tongue is numb and then ask you conversational questions, like what are your kids names. 

So I'm lying there, partially upside down with my mouth hanging open and two strangers trying to climb inside it, and there is NOTHING to look at. It's either stare at their faces staring at my face, which is not an option, or I stare at the ceiling. 

I decided to skip both options and just close my eyes, just for a minute, you know?

Suddenly, I'm opening my eyes and both the dentist and his assistant have kind of abruptly sat back and are staring at me. And he's like, "Are you ok?"

I nod confusedly and do the gurgle answer thing, "uhhhh, uhhuh,"

"Did you just need to swallow?"

And I'm like, "uhhhh, uhhuh?" So I put on a little show of swallowing, all the while wondering what the heck is going on.

And then I realize that I must have fallen asleep when I closed my eyes and done something weird while asleep that startled them. 

Note: this is not me, I just find it entertaining.

Now, I thought the dentist was awkward before, but nothing compares to realizing you drifted off while those people tinkered in your mouth and not knowing what you did that freaked them out. Did my mouth almost close on his hand? Did he think I was trying to bite him? DId I make noises? Did I jerk my arms? Because that happened to me once during a massage: I fell asleep while the lady was rubbing my feet and had an involuntary muscle spasm and almost kicked her in the face. True story (and also why I no longer get massages). 

Eventually he resumed and I spent the rest of the dentist visit trying not to fall asleep and embarrass myself further. It was hard, though, because you know the more that you concentrate on not falling asleep, the more your body wants to fall asleep, so you have to bug your eyes a little to keep them open. I'm sure the dentist loved that. 

But the good news in all this is that 1.) it gave me the giggles for the rest of the day, and 2.) it really could have been much worse. 

My dentist visit could have gone like Kramer's. 

So that's my 'Fess Up this week. It's been SO LONG since I've blogged, if you have any Fess Up Friday posts that you've written recently, please leave me a link in the comments so I can come visit. I miss you guys!


  1. This made my Friday so much more smiley! Thanks for sharing your embarrassing moment (I am still trying to remember the one you told me so long ago. . .). I won't hold my breath but I'd love to read more in the future here:). Love ya.

  2. Can you please start blogging again? You are soooo funny and totally make me laugh. xo

  3. Visited the dentist last week, it was extremely comfortable. The thing that stuck out the most was that it was so relaxing and peaceful during my appointment. Everything was brand new and incredibly clean.
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  4. Yes! Please start blogging again! Your posts always make me laugh =)

  5. LOL Who falls asleep in a dentist chair? The sound of the drill is unnerving. Please teach me how to do that! I go every 6 months and tense up every time and can't wait for it to be over. Wow, I'm so jealous. Btw, I did fall asleep during an MRI? If you never had one, they are extremely loud, like a jack hammer:)

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