It's dark o'clock here in the northwest and I need coffee.
Yesterday I took my two younger boys to Costco for "just a few things," which is always a good idea.
It happened to be lunch time so, naturally, they were giving out brownie samples.
There were a LOT of people flocking around the brownie table, but I fought my way forward and wrangled out two warm and gooey brownie bites for my offspring, because I am a good provider and a health-conscious mother.
Somehow, though, as I was handing Brecken his, it got diverted to my mouth and I took a bite, thinking he wouldn't notice and/or care.
Oh, how wrong I was.
A look of righteous indignation crossed his face and he shrieked "HEY! No eat mine! It not big!" and then he slapped the brownie out of my hand and sent it flying straight into the nasty concrete floor.
For a second I was stunned, and even though I didn't look around, I'm pretty sure the rest of the brownie hoard was watching my family soap opera unfold too.
After mentally re-grouping, I calmly picked up the mushed brownie and dropped it in the trash and then pushed the cart into another aisle as quickly as possibly, all while the 2-year-old was screeching at the top of his lungs, "BAWK! I want CAKE! Don't eat my cake!"
Does your toddler squawk like a chicken when he's mad? Mine too. It's like his own personal warning system that he's about to self-destruct. At random, consistent intervals he will shout "Bawk!.... Bawk!..... Bawk!" in the most ear-piercing way imaginable.
Now, you tell me, what is the appropriate response in this situation? Do you hide in the feminine hygiene aisle and hope no one notices the angry chicken? Do you plug his nose to get his attention? Do I need to start carrying a little squirt bottle and just spritz him like a cat?
I know, I know, I should have just abandoned all and left the store, but I really really needed those diced tomatoes. It was buy one, get one free!
On the same Costco trip, I decided to make things easier on myself and purchase a pumpkin pie for small group because I didn't really have time to bake.
This is where Murphy's Law came in to play.
Would anybody like to hazard a guess how long we were in the car before one of my children stepped on the pie?
Yes! You are correct! It was only 15 seconds, while I was returning my cart.
The good news, though, was that he managed to step on the side and not directly in the middle, so we just cut that piece out.
And when we got home, I let him eat it.
Oh yes, I did. Germs and all, I just didn't care any more.
On the train ride, Rowan wanted to take pictures with my big camera but I persuaded him to use my phone camera instead. I now have 100+ photos on my phone that are all pretty much identical to these little gems:
I will treasure them.
Have you ever heard the expression, 'Cutting off your nose to spite your face'?
It's an odd one, for sure.
Last week, Rowan (the 4-year-old) was in an unusually helpful mood and did many jobs in order to earn himself a dollar, all in the hopes of going to the dollar store and buying 'bampire teeth.'
He's obsessed with bampire teeth.
Where this comes from, I'm not sure, but I choose to blame the Magic Schoolbus and their Halloween episode.
Anyways, he earned his dollar and was very excited, wanting to leave right that second.
I said to him, "Rowan, we are going to go, but I can't leave right this second. I have to finish my chores too."
Well, he got mad.
And he sure showed me a thing or two.
After a few minutes he plopped this down on the counter next to me.
Oh yes, he did.
He tore up his dollar because he was mad that we weren't leaving to go buy bampire teeth with that dollar.
Classic example of cutting off your nose to spite your face.
And for the rest of the day, I had to remind him over and over that he chose not to get bampire teeth when he tore up his dollar.
Sometimes, parenting is both exhausting, and terrifying, and oddly entertaining all at the same time.
Side note: I don't know how much of a lesson he really learned, because later that day he found a pair of bampire teeth under his brother's bed and wore them for the following 48 hours, even while he was sleeping (until he woke up freaking out because he couldn't breath... next time I will do a mouth check)
By now, you are probably starting to think that my two younger children are excessively naughty.
While true, they are also excessively cute and sweet.
Let us not forget this.
Okay, your turn! Link 'em up, especially if your kids squawk like irate chickens or tear up money.