*One of my biggest pet peeves is mouth noises. They make me want to crawl the wall. When Jarrod wants to annoy me he does this face and flicks his tongue out really fast and makes these slurpy noises. It might be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever encountered. He does it because he knows it makes me flash back to the ROUS’s from Princess Bride. Remember that big rat with the tongue freaking out? Yeah, my husband’s hidden talent is impersonating that rat.
See this picture? At the family photo shoot she told us to make a silly face.
And this is when I realized that he was making that face.
*I can’t handle when people overuse the acronym “LOL” Seriously, people use it in place of periods nowadays. Unless you were really laughing out loud, please don’t tell me you were. It confuses me. Like when someone posts a Facebook status that goes like this “It’s a beautiful day LOL I’m taking my kids to the park LOL!” Ummmm.... either my sense of humor is broken or you’re a MAJOR gigglebox.
*Sometimes if Rowan is stinky and it’s close to when Jarrod will get home, I pretend like I havn’t noticed. Then when Jarrod walks in the door he gives him a big hug and immediately goes in to change his diaper. It’s a good system.
*I started the diet solution plan. I’ve been eating cauliflower for breakfast every morning. The good news is that I no longer look forward to eating so therefore, I am not overeating. The bad news is I’ve had salad for lunch and dinner for two weeks.
*Sometimes when I’m in a store and I see someone I know, I quickly shoot down another aisle. It’s not that I’m antisocial, it’s that I hate that awkward period where you’re walking towards someone and you’re waiting for them to notice you and acknowledge that they do in fact know you. Glance up, nope they’re not looking at me yet so I will continue to look at the shelves until they get closer, glance up again, still too soon continue awkwardly waiting, glance up one more time and there’s the eye contact, time to say hi. Eh, the other part of the time I’m just lazy and don’t feel like talking.
*I am a Gleek for Glee.
*Our new nextdoor neighbors moved in almost a month ago and I havn’t introduced myself yet. At first I was hoping to catch them outside, but it’s been raining a lot. Then I wanted to bake them something, but I’m kind of on a cauliflower diet and havn’t been in the baking mood. So now when I do drive in if they are outside it’s awkward because I’m waving, but we’re still strangers. It’s like the movie The Burbs around here, and I’m pretty positive they heard me shouting at my kids like a psychopath. I wanted to at least introduce myself and put on my friendly face before they heard that.
*When Haydn got home from school today he informed me that he didn’t eat the lunch I made him because he had hot lunch. He claims he asked me this morning (while I was making the sandwich for his lunch) if he could and I nodded and said “Sure, whatever.” That’s what I get for handing out canned responses.
*I buy my kids paraben-free lotion but I just signed up for a month of tanning, where I had to sign a waver stating I knew that this was basically going to cook me like a microwave. I justified it by telling myself I’d only go for a month, because if I’m going to be overweight, I’d like my fat to be tanned please. Thanks.
*We were driving in the car and that tacky Adam Lambert song came on where he’s singing in a really depressing voice “What do you want from me? What do you want from me?” and Greyson pipes up from the backseat, “I’ll tell you what I want from you-- CANDY.”
That's all I got. What do you have to confess? Let's be real, people.