I recently read her newsletter and found out that on May 10th she lost her baby at 37 weeks. Unthinkable. Unexplainable. Completely heartbreaking. I have been so in awe of Heather as she walks through this experience publicly, sharing daily on her blog what she is feeling and how she is doing. I have her on my google reader list and every day when the link shows up bold, I hesitate for a moment before clicking it, selfishly thinking "I don't want to be depressed today. I don't know if I have time to read this and give it my complete attention and emotion which something of this magnitude deserves." And without fail, every time I have read her blog I have come away with hope and felt guilty for hesitating. She shares honestly, and sometimes it makes me cry, but without exception she always ends the post with specific ways people can pray for her and a list of what she is thankful for. She is walking through this with faith, with grace, with strength from the Lord, and I am in awe.
She posted a poem about the shoes that she is wearing and how they are ugly shoes, painful shoes, shoes that make other people uncomfortable to be around. And it made me ache for her and at the same time think about the shoes that I am wearing. Shoes that I sometimes complain about. Shoes that I am sometimes unthankful for. Shoes that some people would give anything to wear. I sincerely pray that I never have to walk in the shoes that Heather has put on, but if I do, I hope that I can wear them as gracefully as she does.
I realize this is a long post that is probably hard to read. It's not funny or entertaining in the least, and I'm not done yet. I can't let today go by without mentioning Jay, my next door neighbor who passed away from a heartattack in March. He was training four hours a day for the Ironman, which happened in my town today. I wish he could have been there, he wanted to so badly, and I'm thinking of his beautiful wife and two year old son and how much more they wish he could have been there. She went down and watched the race alone, because she promised him she would go no matter what. Life is short. Wear your shoes the best that you can, even when they are ugly and painful, and be thankful.